crabbydad - Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar... Okay, so I haven't really started the new year with a blog-writin' bangeroo, have I? Well, what the fuck do you want from me, goddammit -- I'm a slow ramper-upper. Plus, I've been emptying out the goddamn hellmouth of a basement we have because, yes, the builder fellas start work on the ol' basement redo THIS MONDAY. This mofo is going to be the Taj Mahal of basement rehabs... the Taj Mahellmouth. It's even gonna have walls and a floor and lights and outlets and fancy shit like that. Plus, it'll no longer be so fucking cold that when I descend into it's murky, radon-spore infested nether-regions my nipples'll no longer snap off like a coupla liquid-nitrogen dipped pencil erasers. I'll be Mister Fancy Basement, I will. With intact nipples! Warm, intact nipples. Mmmmm... intact nipples. Anywhich, that's also the reason my song-a-week idea has been kiboshed upon 'cuz I had to move all my recording wizardry into my temporary office in the soon-to-be-guestroom. I suppose I could try to record them up here but it'd definitely have some serious pigfuck potential. And I think it's way too early in the year for a pigfuck, don't you? Oh, and did I mention that the Old Lady leaves tomorrow for a four day jaunt in New Orleans for a "conference," while I'm stuck here in fucking Antfartica with the spawnage? Nothing like a long weekend with a coupla cooped-up spawnages and temperatures so fucking frigid outside that it could freeze a... a... something that's really hot that normally wouldn't freeze very readily. AND the Old Lady's taking the "good car" to the airport, so we're stuck with the car with the treadless tires that are balder than... I dunno, balder than Howie Mandel's ball-sack. (I'll tell ya, not blogging for awhile has definitely taken a toll on my simile production capabilities. Gotta work on that.) So, we'll see... maybe this weekend will produce the second song-a-week offering. Or maybe the spawnage will upload a recording of themselves beating me to death with their Dino-Tubulars. Hard to tell. Stay tuned... • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Song #1... 51 more to go... Crabby New Year... Cur-rap. Road Drip! It's Like Taking A Bite Outta Uranus!

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crabbydad - Song #1... 51 more to go...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Song #1... 51 more to go... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Song #1... 51 more to go... All right, there's no fucking way I'm gonna crank out a song a week, but I did get the first one done over the weekend, so... one. I think it's a pretty fucking awesome tune with which to kick off the new year, I might add. It's called "Dino Tubular" and it's a song the spawnage wrote about a mysterious gift they each received over the holidays. The lyrics are pretty self-explanatory, so I'll let them explain it. Oh, and if you like the song, please forward it to five friends. If I'm gonna be recording this shit, I want people to fucking hear it, ya know? Ready, go. Dino Tubular by Mr. Z & Miss O We got a package that felt like clothes But what it was, nobody knows We opened it up and what could it be? Was it a toy, it was cylindar-y Then we unrolled it and it had some writing It said "Dino Tubular," was this for fighting? Dino Tubular We couldn't figure out what this thing was for It had silhouettes of dinosaurs We called our Gramma and then she shared How to fill it up with lots and lots of air And the we blew it up, and up, and up Until it was the size of a Great Dane pup, yeah! Dino Tubular Then we whacked it, smacked, didn't treat it with care We were bonking each other like two fightin' bears It's like a light saber that's made of plastic We hit each other till we got sorta spastic From that day on Dino Tubular was fun For mom and dad, zeke, olive and willa, everyone, yeah! Dino Tubular • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Crabby New Year... Cur-rap. Road Drip! It's Like Taking A Bite Outta Uranus! Ice Holes...

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crabbydad - Crabby New Year...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Crabby New Year... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Crabby New Year... That note marked the START of our trip to Chicago, so you can imagine how it fucking went from there. Here's the rest of the hell-voyage: Icy fucking roads in western Michigan added a good two hours onto an already rectum-ripping drive. Came close to dying in Paw Paw. Miss O had the flu the entire trip -- fever, hacking cough, didn't eat anything, non-stop whine-a-palooza. Which was EXCELLENT. The Old Lady and I had to sleep on a futon that was apparently hewn from living rock. That's okay, though... didn't need my pelvis anyway. Left a day early to avoid hellish weather but managed to be permanently inscribed in my mom's shitlist for missing the "family" reunion. Thing is, everyone at the reunion was like a fifth cousin many times removed so what the shit was the big fucking deal?! But I'm pretty sure I'm now out of the will forever. And that was it. Merry fucking Xmas. Oh, and because Miss O was sick, the Old Lady and I couldn't spend a night in the city at the goddamn Sofitel, like we had planned, 'cuz we had to be around to talk her down from the constant NIGHT TERRORS she was having. (And for those who haven't experienced their spawn having a night terror -- holy shitballs, that's some freaky fucking shit. Like Exorcist kinda shit. Scarred me for life, that girl did.) Oh, and I've been thinking about what to do with this blog for the new year. I think I've come up with the ultimate Bowflex-of-a-resolution idea that, in true Bowflexian style, I'll stick to for about a month and then start hanging my clothes on it. The idea? Song-a-week. Simple, right? Record and complete one song a week with the spawnage and post it here. I may not even make it through week one. I dunno. But it's something. I mean, if I can stick to this fucker, I'll have 52 songs by 2010. That's like a quadruple album. Makes "Double Live Gonzo" look like a fucking EP. Full Bluntal Nugity, my ass. So, yeah, I'll give it a shot. It'll never work. See ya next year. • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Cur-rap. Road Drip! It's Like Taking A Bite Outta Uranus! Ice Holes... When Hack Turns to Hork...

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