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Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com - Loogie Houser...
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Well, both of the spawnages are sick... again. There's seems to be a never-ending, boogery river of snot, phlegm and sputum that courses straight through the crabbyhousehold, and it looks like she's never gonna stop a-flowin'. Of course, I blame their mutant, bacteria-encaked classmates, smearing their infecto-fingers 'cross the desks, chairs and water fountain spigots of the school, while wheezing out their viral plague-vapors through their crud-taminated cakeholes.
The trouble is, they've already been out of school so much with the snow days and the other 'mystery' days off that there's no way I'm going to keep them home unless they have a fever, or they're bleeding from their eye-sockets. They've been waking up kinda iffy, but once they get all lubed up with a glass of juice, they hock up a coupla lung oysters, perk up and then they're rarin' to go. Thankfully they inherited their perkiness-in-the-face-of-infirmity from the Old Lady, instead of my I'm-gonna-die-from-this-scratchy-throat feebleness.
Though, looking at the overnight forecast, I'll bet the left half of my rucksack that they're gonna close that fucking school again tomorrow. One to three inches tonight and another five during the day. Motherfucker. Who's the moron who built this state so fucking close to Canada?! What a dick.
Then again, we're the assholes who moved to a state known as "the mitten."
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Welcome to All Pro Dad's 10 Ways to be a Better Dad online courses.
Continuing with number Six: "Eat Together as a Family Click on above link to view a video clip that, once viewed, will provide you a basic outline on how to be a better father. Thanks for participating and please share your success stories with us as you put these 10 Ways to be a Better Dad principles to work in your family. Keyword: "Ritual" Weekly family meal
Monthly family celebration
Yearly family outing Posted with permission from www.allprodad.com
I have just watched a must see for all expecting and new fathers.  "Seven Steps to Baby Bliss" from www.dadstheword.com is not only very practical for expectant and new fathers it is also pretty funny too.
I felt it was totally aimed at fathers as the target audience, but I also believe it would have great benefit watching this DVD with your partner. The role of the dad is highlighted says the back cover, and I completely agree. In 28 minutes the "Seven Steps to Baby Bliss" DVD shows you how to:
* Settle a crying baby
* Bathing a baby
* Step by step guide and tips on nappy changing for both baby girls and baby boys
* Feeding a baby
* Baby massage
* Dressing your baby
* And SIDS prevention
* Relationship after baby from www.dadstheword.com ... read more >>
 We are in a somewhat unique situation (I guess) in that we've got 3 generations in 1 house, cover 3 languages between us and run a language school. Our mix of Spanglemanish (Spanish, German and English) makes for some great conversation in the house and many hilarious moments of being lost in translation. With our latest addition to the family of course the question came up of how we will bring him language wise. My wife has a teaching degree in Spanish and English Philology (language and culture) which I'm hoping will come in really handy when our son goes to school. But when do you start with exposing your children to other languages?
Well ... basically from day they are born (we think). However there is a difference between language learning through a native speaker in the house (parents, grand parents or other relatives) or by sending your kids to a learning centre. We often get requests from parents at our Spanish school wanting to enrol their 1-year old in language classes. To which we say NO as it is almost impossible to do any structured language learning at that age. A good age to start structured learning is probably from 5 years onwards. If you want to start earlier one thing you can do is to expose your children to another language - but that's better in an unstructured format (not at a school). ... read more >>
Here is an interesting suggestion from our friends at SuburbanDaddy.com - use "upromise" to save up for your kids' college fees. (January 23rd, 2008 Saving for College) The cost when my kids go to college will be upwards of $100,000. And that’s for each kid! Better start saving now. That’s why I use Upromise. In five years, we have made more than $600 for doing, well, nothing. All we did was sign up for a free account. Then, when you make purchases at stores you would shop at anyway, you get a small percentage back in your college savings account. ... read more >>
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Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com - Screw That...
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This weekend was quite the handyman's special for ol' crabbydad. I got that "there's too much cluttery crapshit in this house" bug all up in my sphincter, and I went on a major purging spree. I started in the basement and just started chucking shit into a giant hefty-hefty-hefty bag. I didn't make a fucking dent in the impacted colon that is our basement, but I filled the bag, so at least it felt like a satisfying dump.
I also unearthed the camera tripod I was looking for that I was thinking of using for my "Cooking with Crabbydad" idea. I ripped it apart and had this bright idea that I was going to duct tape it to my bike helmet for the ultimate first-person-shooter-type head cam. I got it all taped up and it looked pretty fucking awesome, but when I strapped it to the ol' noggin', I almost a) fell over, and 2) choked myself with the helmet's neck strap. There was no way I was gonna be able to keep that thing on my head and cook a fucking meal without auto-asphyxiating myself in the process -- and that's not really the type of video vibe I was going for.
So I ripped the duct tape off and tried to figure out another way to mount the crabbycam. I ended up just sticking the tripod pole through the front of my belt and then taking another belt and cinching it around my chest, making a sort of Baby Bjorn camera holder. It works surprisingly well -- as long as I don't try to crouch down, 'cuz then I'll pull a Phineas Gage through the ol' nutsack. I'm gonna try to do a test run sometime this week and see just how unfunny and ill-advised this whole moronic idea is going to be. (My prediction: "extremely" and "way.")
I also decided to finish replacing the few remaining light switches/outlets that I promised the Old Lady I'd replace back in July of 2004. Things were going along swimmingly until I forgot to trip one of the breakers for the upstairs playroom, and I literally electrocuted myself. Serious lightning bolt from my fingertips to my already tingling toes. It was classic -- the Old Lady was at the grocery store and the spawnage were downstairs watching tv, so if I had actually succeeded in killing myself, no one would've found me for a good 3-4 hours. Luckily, it was only enough electricity to singe the hair off my knuckles and make me go "NYARRRRRGGGGGNNMRRFFFFLLNNNGGG!!!"
Oh, I also put up a wall coatrack hanger thing in the mudroom/back hallway area AND it didn't rip itself right outta the wall when I hung the spawnages' coats and backpacks on it, which is totally bonus for a crabbydad-screwing-something-into-the-wall type project. It'll probably crash to the floor overnight, but it managed to stay up for a whole day, so fuck yeah!
So what's that... three home-improvment projects in one weekend? Shit, man, I'm good until at least 2011.
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Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com - I Feel A Big Dump A-Comin'...
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I can smell a school closing in the air. The smell is a combination of tears, bile and, strangely enough, burnt circus peanuts. I hope to fuck I'm not right but... I am. I'll bet my left buttermaker that the spawnage aren't goin' anywhere tomorrow morning. I wonder how many hours I can get them to enjoy the "lie-on-the-couch- with-my-eyes-closed-and-have-the-spawnage-place-things-in-my-
open-hand-and-I-have-to-guess-what-it-is" game?
On a more personal note, I have the most incredible eggy flatus tonight and I know not from whence it comes. Well, I know from whence it comes... I just don't know from whence it was created. I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary today -- the usual bagel with cream cheese, coffee, turkey/swiss sandwich, fritos, apple, yogurt, carrots, a bowl of Cheerios, some pretzels, a few Newman-Os, half of Miss O's Morningstar Farms Griller Prime, some of Mr. Z's french fries, some Cheez-its, a couple of dried apricots, a sweet turkey sausage for dinner, and a handful of Nestle's semi-sweet chocolate chips before I headed up to bed. Where did the egginess come from? There's a lethal combo in there somewhere... I'm leaning toward the fusion of the Fritos, Swiss cheese and the sausage. Actually, I think those are the main ingrediments in mustard gas.
I just feel bad for the Old Lady tonight. In all seriousness, the other night, I apparently blew one in my sleep and woke us both up. She kinda pushed me and cursed me, and then I just sat there in the death vapor, laughing my skinny ass off at four in the morning. There's definitely an inadvertent, somnolent dutch oven a-brewin' this eve'n.
Poor Old Lady.
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