crabbydad - Challenge 2: Electric Fu-galoo

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Challenge 2: Electric Fu-galoo More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Challenge 2: Electric Fu-galoo The voting has begun for Round Two of the Song Fu challenge: VOTE HERE FOR CRABBYDAD I'd implore you to vote for my song "Machine," but it seems pretty fucking futile at this point. Not to sound bitter or anything but... oh, wait, bitter is my thing. Okay, bitterly, I say that it's pretty fucking impossible to compete against people with 12,000 YouTube subscribers and/or websites shared by best-selling author siblings. I mean, maybe it's fair but at this point, regardless of whether my song is "the best" or whether it sucks shitballs, there's virtually no way for me to break into the number one or two spots because I don't have a virtual army of cyber-sheep hungrily devouring every musical turd I blast outta my fanny. But hey, it's not about the winning, is it? It's about... no... I'm pretty sure it's about the winning. Oh well. If you like my song, maybe you could vote for it. Multiple times. From multiple different IP addresses. See, this is why I don't like to compete in things. If this contest were a checker board, I'd have flipped it off the table weeks ago. My name is crabbydad, and I am a spoil-sport. • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Let's Take an Okay-tion... New Post... BUT KEEP VOTING! VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN! Hangin' in the Showers... What the Fu?

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crabbydad - Let's Take an Okay-tion...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Let's Take an Okay-tion... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Let's Take an Okay-tion... I used to think the Old Lady and I were lazy, neglectful parents because we never really take the spawnage on fancy family vacations -- you know, Disneyworld, China, Frankenmuth... shit like that. I've come to realize, however, that we're actually geniuses. See, the spawnages' vacation expectations, their 'expacations', if you will, or maybe their vacexpections, if you won't, are now set SO FUCKING LOW, that anywhere we decide to take them is a goddamn travel extravaganzeleh. Case in point -- for the five-day President's Day weekend (and feel free to re-acquaint yourself with my feelings about that) we're jetting off to beautiful Ann Arbor for one and one-half days and one (1) craptacular night at the Hawthorne Suites, sandwiched between frantic shelf-clearing visits to Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and H&M. The spawnage, literally, could not be more excited. Mainly because "the Hawthorne" has a pool and a little area off the front desk that sells candy, where they're allowed to pick out ONE of WHATEVER THEY WANT!!!! Seriously, the thought of being able to ingest a "regular-sized" Butterfinger in one sitting completely blows Space Mountain or The Great Wall or the America's Only Nazi Village Theme Park, outta the fucking water. Geniuses, I tell ya. We're leaving bright and early tomorrow so we'll have plenty of time to properly peruse the seasoned nut aisle at Trader Joe's, load up on bottles of wildly over-priced vino at Whole Foods and, maybe if we're feeling generous, stop off at the Natural History Museum so the spawnage can look at a coupla shitty dioramas and pick up some local superviruses from pushing all the buttons. Who knows... maybe if this trip goes well, we'll really push the envelope next time. Two and a half days and TWO nights in Flint! Oh, and don't forget to vote for our song in the Masters of Song Fu #3: Click here and vote for crabbydad or else you'll make Miss O cry! Toodles! • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles New Post... BUT KEEP VOTING! VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN! Hangin' in the Showers... What the Fu? Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar...

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crabbydad - 2 new articles

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 2 new articles New Post... BUT KEEP VOTING! VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN! More Recent Articles Search crabbydad New Post... BUT KEEP VOTING! STICKY: Please vote for my (and Miss O's) song here: Click this sentence with your mouse-y clicker! As of 11:21 PM tonight, we're in second place. Not first, mind you, because I don't "do" first place. Or it doesn't "do" me. Nope... me and Bobby Brady... losers. Just like the goddamn ice cream eating contest -- Bobby was fucking chowing down on that bowl and then ol' Porky McSnarferson ends up getting the golden scoop. Why can't I ever get that golden scoop. It's the kids today with their loud ukulele music, that's why. No one has time for old men and their calypso songs. Oh well... maybe the crabbyfamily will have a trophy for me at breakfast tomorrow morning: "Honorable Mention Parent." An old man can dream, can't he? [a single tear drips from cheek, splashing on a nearby box of adult diapers] End scene. • Email to a friend • Related • VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN! Please vote for Crabbydad's song at Quickstop Entertainment's Song Fu contest: Vote for Crabbydad I've gotta make it to Round 2 -- it's the only thing that's gonna get me through this shitball of a winter alive. Seriously. VOTE! Oh, and if you can tell 900 or so friends to do the same, that would be most helpful. Thanks. • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Hangin' in the Showers... What the Fu? Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar... Song #1... 51 more to go... Crabby New Year...

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crabbydad - Hangin' in the Showers...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Hangin' in the Showers... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Hangin' in the Showers... Mr. Z and I had the following conversation regarding his post-swimming gym class, yesterday: MR. Z: So, I was toweling off after taking a shower and all these guys started yelling at me to cover myself up. ME: What do you mean? Weren't they taking showers, too? MR. Z: Yeah, but they weren't taking off their bathing suits. ME: And what... you were naked? What's the big deal? MR. Z: I don't know. They kept their suits on and they were yelling, "Gross, Z, cover that up!" ME: So what did you say to them? MR. Z: I said, "What, you guys've never seen a WANG before?! Get used to it!!!" ME: You know what? You couldn't have had a better comeback if you tried. That's awesome! MR. Z: Those guys are so weird. ME: Hey, maybe next time you can say, "Don't worry fellas, I've got a license to sell hotdogs." THE OLD LADY: (from the other room) NO!! Don't say that! ME: Yeah, your mom's right. Stick with the "never seen a wang" thing. That's probably your safer bet. MR. Z: (laughing) Heh... hotdogs... • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles What the Fu? Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar... Song #1... 51 more to go... Crabby New Year... Cur-rap.

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crabbydad - Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar... Okay, so I haven't really started the new year with a blog-writin' bangeroo, have I? Well, what the fuck do you want from me, goddammit -- I'm a slow ramper-upper. Plus, I've been emptying out the goddamn hellmouth of a basement we have because, yes, the builder fellas start work on the ol' basement redo THIS MONDAY. This mofo is going to be the Taj Mahal of basement rehabs... the Taj Mahellmouth. It's even gonna have walls and a floor and lights and outlets and fancy shit like that. Plus, it'll no longer be so fucking cold that when I descend into it's murky, radon-spore infested nether-regions my nipples'll no longer snap off like a coupla liquid-nitrogen dipped pencil erasers. I'll be Mister Fancy Basement, I will. With intact nipples! Warm, intact nipples. Mmmmm... intact nipples. Anywhich, that's also the reason my song-a-week idea has been kiboshed upon 'cuz I had to move all my recording wizardry into my temporary office in the soon-to-be-guestroom. I suppose I could try to record them up here but it'd definitely have some serious pigfuck potential. And I think it's way too early in the year for a pigfuck, don't you? Oh, and did I mention that the Old Lady leaves tomorrow for a four day jaunt in New Orleans for a "conference," while I'm stuck here in fucking Antfartica with the spawnage? Nothing like a long weekend with a coupla cooped-up spawnages and temperatures so fucking frigid outside that it could freeze a... a... something that's really hot that normally wouldn't freeze very readily. AND the Old Lady's taking the "good car" to the airport, so we're stuck with the car with the treadless tires that are balder than... I dunno, balder than Howie Mandel's ball-sack. (I'll tell ya, not blogging for awhile has definitely taken a toll on my simile production capabilities. Gotta work on that.) So, we'll see... maybe this weekend will produce the second song-a-week offering. Or maybe the spawnage will upload a recording of themselves beating me to death with their Dino-Tubulars. Hard to tell. Stay tuned... • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Song #1... 51 more to go... Crabby New Year... Cur-rap. Road Drip! It's Like Taking A Bite Outta Uranus!

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crabbydad - Song #1... 51 more to go...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Song #1... 51 more to go... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Song #1... 51 more to go... All right, there's no fucking way I'm gonna crank out a song a week, but I did get the first one done over the weekend, so... one. I think it's a pretty fucking awesome tune with which to kick off the new year, I might add. It's called "Dino Tubular" and it's a song the spawnage wrote about a mysterious gift they each received over the holidays. The lyrics are pretty self-explanatory, so I'll let them explain it. Oh, and if you like the song, please forward it to five friends. If I'm gonna be recording this shit, I want people to fucking hear it, ya know? Ready, go. Dino Tubular by Mr. Z & Miss O We got a package that felt like clothes But what it was, nobody knows We opened it up and what could it be? Was it a toy, it was cylindar-y Then we unrolled it and it had some writing It said "Dino Tubular," was this for fighting? Dino Tubular We couldn't figure out what this thing was for It had silhouettes of dinosaurs We called our Gramma and then she shared How to fill it up with lots and lots of air And the we blew it up, and up, and up Until it was the size of a Great Dane pup, yeah! Dino Tubular Then we whacked it, smacked, didn't treat it with care We were bonking each other like two fightin' bears It's like a light saber that's made of plastic We hit each other till we got sorta spastic From that day on Dino Tubular was fun For mom and dad, zeke, olive and willa, everyone, yeah! Dino Tubular • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Crabby New Year... Cur-rap. Road Drip! It's Like Taking A Bite Outta Uranus! Ice Holes...

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crabbydad - Crabby New Year...

 

Here are the latest updates for dadgregator@gmail.com "crabbydad" - 1 new article Crabby New Year... More Recent Articles Search crabbydad Crabby New Year... That note marked the START of our trip to Chicago, so you can imagine how it fucking went from there. Here's the rest of the hell-voyage: Icy fucking roads in western Michigan added a good two hours onto an already rectum-ripping drive. Came close to dying in Paw Paw. Miss O had the flu the entire trip -- fever, hacking cough, didn't eat anything, non-stop whine-a-palooza. Which was EXCELLENT. The Old Lady and I had to sleep on a futon that was apparently hewn from living rock. That's okay, though... didn't need my pelvis anyway. Left a day early to avoid hellish weather but managed to be permanently inscribed in my mom's shitlist for missing the "family" reunion. Thing is, everyone at the reunion was like a fifth cousin many times removed so what the shit was the big fucking deal?! But I'm pretty sure I'm now out of the will forever. And that was it. Merry fucking Xmas. Oh, and because Miss O was sick, the Old Lady and I couldn't spend a night in the city at the goddamn Sofitel, like we had planned, 'cuz we had to be around to talk her down from the constant NIGHT TERRORS she was having. (And for those who haven't experienced their spawn having a night terror -- holy shitballs, that's some freaky fucking shit. Like Exorcist kinda shit. Scarred me for life, that girl did.) Oh, and I've been thinking about what to do with this blog for the new year. I think I've come up with the ultimate Bowflex-of-a-resolution idea that, in true Bowflexian style, I'll stick to for about a month and then start hanging my clothes on it. The idea? Song-a-week. Simple, right? Record and complete one song a week with the spawnage and post it here. I may not even make it through week one. I dunno. But it's something. I mean, if I can stick to this fucker, I'll have 52 songs by 2010. That's like a quadruple album. Makes "Double Live Gonzo" look like a fucking EP. Full Bluntal Nugity, my ass. So, yeah, I'll give it a shot. It'll never work. See ya next year. • Email to a friend • Related • More Recent Articles Cur-rap. Road Drip! It's Like Taking A Bite Outta Uranus! Ice Holes... When Hack Turns to Hork...

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